truly madly deeply

im truly in love with him,
im madly in love with him,
im deeply in love with him,
how am i suppose to let go?
i started to miss him every single day,
i started to love him more and more everyday,
but i guess no matter how hard i try,
he will never love me.
i really wish that i live in the fairytale,
believing in happily ever ever after,
but this is real life,reality,
there's no happy ever after,
there's so such thing as dreams come true,
i just can't find a way to let him go,
GOD!!what am i suppose to do??
damn it!!

being in love with a guy that you know that he wont love you is a waste of time and painful...i give up

this is the second time i gave up my love for him....
its sad...
he's in love with some other girl..
i no longer have the chance to be with him...
he had never fall in love with me..
its just me...
all i can keep on doing is...
just be friends with him..
it will hurt alot for me...
wht else can i do??
i cnt do anything...
all i can do is secretly admiring him...
he's a guy tht isver hard to tackle...
if he doesnt like tht girl...
no matter how hard tht girl try...
he still wont be with her...
its kinda hard for me to give up..
but there's nth else i can do...
being in love with a guy tht you know he wont love you,
is a waste of time and painful....
i give up...

why lar???WHY????

why do i always fall for the guy tht im not supose to fall with??
why does this always happen to me??
i hate to be in this situation...
i hate to feel miserable...
i wanna tell him...
but i just cant...
im not brave enough...
i dnt know wht to do...
im so lost...
its hard for me to act as a friend infront of him and my friends...
whenever i think of him...i will smile automaticly...
and that i felt happy...
but seriously...
whenever i talk to him or just hanging out with him and some of my friends...
i kinda feel sad...
i dnt know why...
i miss him alot whenever i din see him....
no one knows abt this...
none of my friends know who this guy is...
i fell in love with him twice...
i fell in love with him before last time...
but i gave up...
and today i just dnt know why....
why can i fall in love again...??
with him...
i just dnt know wht shud i do next..
he has no idea tht i hv feeling towards him...
he doesnt even hv a clue...
he jsut treat me as a normal friend...
or perhaps a sister...
sad isnt it??
im afraid...
im afraid tht...if i tell him abt it...
he will not talk to me again...
ppl say break up is pain...
but i think..
if u hv a crush on sumone and u cant tell him or her tht how u feel...
is even more painful...
i feel so empty without him...
i just dnt know wht to do...
i wanna ask for help from my friend...
but i dnt think its a good idea...
and i think he wouldnt even try to start a relationship with me if he knows tht i love him...
wht did i do to deserve this??
i nv felt this miserable for a year...
i dnt know whether tht his heart is taken by sumone else...
or fall in love with another girl...
i hv no idea wht is in his heart..
its just so painful to feel like this...
i told myself tht i dnt wanna be single in new years eve..
bcoz its sucks...
i just dnt dare to tell him...



this is painful...

can you believe this??

hi guys,u'll nv gonna believe wht am i gonna say...seriously...its very hilarious...
in my high school...there was this guy named syakir a.k.a sakai...
he was once me,chenelle and mary's friend...
he was once a good friend and a good boy...
he used to hang out with us during school time and after school...
but in a few months later...he's attitude has change alot...
he started to talk craps...
i mean craps like..
exp he said "oh im another person at night,the dark side of me will appear at night,and the next
morning i cant really remember wht i did last night..."
i mean c'mon man,can u believe there's this type of person in this world...
yes u may say tht is sleep walking but I'M SURE tht this guy is not sleep walking...
sooner we're no longer his friend becoz of his over reacting,perasan and...attitude.
the in this year's hari raya...he'd sent a raya card to mary..
in the envelope he wrote a letter...its 3 pages full of letter and a note...
and now im gonna tell u sum of the ridiculous story...
in brackets is my comments
the title of the letter is "the truth-whts wrong with me and why i change alot"
i nv told u the whole story abt myself.
its true tht lizzie ahd said tht i've changed alot after the sketsa competion and everything.
the truth is i lied to u abt i already sembuh from my penyakit...
u noe my weird penyakit character at port dickson??
actually is not a penyakit,but it was my dark side...
(ya rite,as if we believe u??)
i only told lizzie and chanelle abt this.
cikgu shamsul is the only person who knows the whole story,
and none of my family members knows abt this...
its sarted before i moved to sepang,
when i was in K.L i already hv this weird feelings at night.
when its at night,i've alrady become another person,
when i changed,i will find a way to get out from my hse
and i dnt even care tht is late.
when i bcome this person,i will bcome the opposite of me...
for exp i will bcome a guy with a few words(and i dnt nie wht tht means)
i will menyakitkan hati all the person tht i loved and care for the most especially my family
and friends.
all the things tht happend to u and ur friends is not the firs time...
i've lost some of my best freinds before i K.L (kesian nyer...)
especially when they all hang out with me at night...
lots of my ex they didnt leave me but im the one who hurt their feeling when its at night...
i will call them and say things tht are really bad and make then cry...
( i pity the girls,ya rite as if we're gonna believe tht u hv so many gfs)
and the next day i'll break up with them..
bcoz i think tht is the best way bcoz i dnt wnt to hurt their feelings...
remember izati??(i dunno who she is)
she also gaduh gile2 with me last time untill both of us didnt talk to each other almost a year...
(ala,1 year jer...tak hairan)
the dark side of me always want me to be a person tht im not....
really damn hard to decribe... after i moved in to smkpsp i wanna start a new life...
by not being so nice with other ppl and not to look for sumone to be my special fren...
thts why last year i mcm mayat hidup and so pendiam...
not even a day tht im happy...
and i tot the dark side of mine was already gone...
bcoz i didnt do anything stupid..
so this year i wanna take a step to show to all warga smkpsp who is this syakir...
but lotz of pl idnt really like me...
so i try to slow down but suddenly i met u mary...
i can see all ur character,minat u,cita2,things u liketo do just the same with me...
(ya rite,u just wanna be a copy cat)
until today i cnt believe tht i met a person tht hv more than 90% same with me...
bcoz of u being so nice to me also be friends with lizzie and chanelle...
i feel so selesa being friends with 3 of u...
and if u wana noe,i wanna be an actor since i was in standard 2.. wanna be a film maker when i was in form2...form 3 i start to sing,
wanna be a pelukis since std 5...
but i nv had a chance to give it a try and i didnt hv keyakinan inside me to show ppl wht i got...
and almost 7 yrs i nv use eng to spea with ppl....
but u're the first person who believe in me...
u gave me a chance to masuk sketsa...
and thts the firs time i berlakon...
after i met u,lotz of things has changed...
i nv felt so happy before..
u pernah joke ajak i masuk one in a million but i did told michelle abt wht u've said
and i cakap i dnt think i got talent in singing..
she gave me confidence and said my singing is quite ok and i shud giv it a try...
then i tried to enter lotz of karaoke competition
i won 3rd im school,1st in psp,2nd place in kl
i've been invited to do mini rock n roll concert at bukit bintang..won 1st place at my mom's direct
selling comp place in p.d and k.l...
i also gone to lotz of places tp learn abt film making...
i nv feel so confident to do wht i wanna do...
lizzie gave me the support in drawing...
sometimes when i fikir balik,u guys was like my soul...
(go to hell la...soul is ur own self lar)
especially u mary...
u berjaya change me from a nobody into somebody...
no one yg sanggup fikirkan wht style suits me
and wht hairstyle for me especially was my curly hair...
ppl doesnt like my haur when its long
tp i ske rambut panjang...
(u ske is ur buissness lar...idiot)
but sedar tak sedar i start walking at night
wearing black clothes
i start cari paal with my old friends in k.l
so i start to hurt my mom's feeling everyday...
bcome very cruel with my sisters
and i really scared if i will start to hurt ur feelings...
bcoz u''re the person tht i sayang the most..
(omg....damn daramatic man)
i felt really weird when everything datang balik
and now i remember,
when sketsa practise...
ikhwal hit my head on the floor so hard untill i fainted at home...
(eh c'mom lar...if u wanna faint u shud hved faint earlier at school lar)
i didnt tell my mom abt it..
i dnt wan her to be worried ...
when i woke up...
my mom ask me why i scream so loud in my room just now and wht happend...
ur voice sond so diff...
i dnt really remember wht happend
(wow...so amazing,but kesian u lar...so young got amnesia..haha)
since tht day i keep hiding away from u guys abt my dark side..
when i changed
my face look brighter,im fearless,i like to walk at night,black is my fav colour...
my eyes bcome darker,my hair is abit black...
(er...theres no such things as,eyes darker,hair blakc abit...unless u pakai contact lense and dye ur hair lar...STUPID)
my voice change...
rememeber that night u talk to me me on the phone and u ask
'hello are u ok??'
actually tht time i already changed bcoz is almost 11..
but the DSOS (dark side of syakir) already weak...
(ya rite.....no one is gonna believe tht lar...)
to be continue......